Bella

Growing up, Bella Canning had always been bigger than her siblings. Her mum used to affectionately call her “doughball”, and delighted in cooking her massive meals, along with cakes and treats. Being the only girl in the house, and the youngest by seven years, she spent most of her time before starting school with her mum – testing out new recipes, baking cookies, or sitting in front of the TV watching her mother’s shows. Her dad had left before she was born, having run off with his personal trainer who her mum claimed to be “a bag of bones”.

By the time she started primary school, her brothers were in secondary, so she had no one to protect her from the bullying she endured. Classmates would make fun of her double chin and round tummy. Call her names like “fatty”, “whale” and “fugly porker”, all while throwing food at her.

Coming home that first day in tears after being repeatedly poked in the stomach and told to squeal, her mother hugged her and said “They’re only mean because they’re jealous. Ribs aren’t attractive unless they’re covered in BBQ sauce.” Bella had giggled at that and accepted her mother’s offering of cream-filled chocolate eclairs to “cheer her up”.

She learnt to zone out when the name calling started, and concentrated instead on her learning, doing her best to avoid any confrontation with her peers. She’d lost count of the number of times she’d arrived home in tears, being subdued by her mum offering snacks. Her teacher had suggested more exercise and less cake, but her mum was adamant it was just puppy fat and she’d lose it as she grew.

But she didn’t. By the time Bella was ten, she could no longer fit into children’s school uniform and had to shop in a special store, where her mum bought her a skirt with an 80cm waist. It was nice to have clothes that fit, but she was a bit envious of the girls who could shop wherever they wanted. She mentioned this to her mum, who told her that she was beautiful the way she was, and small-minded people just couldn’t see that. Then she got the biscuit tin out and offered to make a chocolate cake.

The summer before secondary school, after seeing some of her classmates wearing crop tops and denim shorts, Bella had asked her seventeen-year-old brother for advice. He was the only one still living at home, her other two brothers had moved out and were getting on with their grown-up lives. She waited until her mum had gone shopping before knocking on Ethan’s bedroom door and tearfully asking him if she was as fat as everyone at school said.

His face had said all she needed to know.

She broke down, and he held her until she’d calmed enough to talk. He admitted that he’d asked their mother to buy more healthy food instead of junk and that he’d expressed his concern over Bella’s weight, but Mrs Canning had shot him down and told him to mind his own business. She hadn’t spoken to him for four days after, so he decided not to attempt it again.

Bella asked Ethan why he and her brothers weren’t big too. He laid back on his bed and explained.

“Mum wasn’t always like this. It started after Dad left. She used to cook wonderful meals, with all sorts of veggies. There was always fresh fruit in the house, not tinned. I don’t know what changed when dad went, but mum started bringing home sweets and biscuits, she started baking big gooey cakes.” Ethan sat up. “It was fun at first, we’d never really been allowed junk food – mainly because of Dad, he was big into healthy eating and exercise. After a while, we didn’t find it so fun. We started to refuse the cakes and sweets, so she stopped trying. But you never refused, so she carried on.” He smiled gently. “It was all you’d ever known.”

After a moment of silence, Ethan then asked Bella if she wanted to lose a little bit of weight. He said he’d help her, but they couldn’t say anything to mum. Bella wasn’t sure, she didn’t like keeping secrets, but knew that something had to change so she agreed to at least try. To start with, Bella would stop eating cakes, cookies, and sweets – she’d hide them instead, so her mum thought she’d eaten them. Ethan showed her how to take one bite and then hide the rest in her pocket – he’d put the treats in the bin when he went out.

Bella asked him about exercise she could do, he surprised her by telling her that housework counted. “Dancing too.” He said. So Bella came up with a plan. She was going to ask her mum to pay her for doing the housework so she could buy her own Walkman and some cassette tapes to dance to. Mrs Canning readily agreed, happy to have more time to bake instead of doing chores.

Ethan spoke to Freddie and Paul, his older brothers. They in turn called their mum and asked if Bella could come for a visit over the holidays – she could spend a week with Paul and his wife Melanie, then another week with Freddie and his girlfriend Rachael. It took some convincing, but she finally agreed. Then set about baking sweet things for Bella to take with her.

The week at Paul and Melanie’s was hard. Paul had told his wife what was going on, so there were no sweets in the house at all, not even a digestive biscuit. They fed her well, but Bella was craving something sugary, gooey and cakey. There were quite a lot of tears and tantrums that week. But by the time she said goodbye and left for her week at Freddie’s, she’d lost half a stone from diet alone.

Freddie and Rachael had two energetic dogs; Bella was tasked with walking them three times a day for the duration of her stay. Rachael accompanied her for the first walk and explained that she walked at least ten miles a day in total thanks to the pups. Panting and red-faced, Bella asked if they’d done that yet.

“Oh Bella, we’ve not even done a mile yet.” Laughed Rachael. Seeing tears forming in Bella’s eyes, she stopped and put an arm around her. “I didn’t mean to laugh sweetie. I’m sorry. Look – we’ll take it slowly. Go at your pace instead of my furious marching, and when you’ve had enough, we’ll go home.” She winked and whispered, “Freddie can always take these two out for an extra-long walk later!”

Bella managed three-quarters of a mile that first day. By the time the week came to an end, she had managed to walk five miles in one day – it was hard work, but she was pleased with her efforts. She’d now lost another ten pounds, making it seventeen in total.

Arriving home, Ethan greeted her enthusiastically, telling her she looked great. Her mum was less than enthusiastic. “Were they starving you, my baby? You look thin. Ill. Come sit down and have some cake. I’ll make you feel better.” Bella said she was fine, but her mum insisted on “feeding her up” with doughnuts and pastries. After two weeks of a strict diet, Bella was salivating at the thought of a nice jammy doughnut, but when her mother placed it in front of her, she felt differently. A little bit queasy. She didn’t want to eat it.

Waiting until her mum’s back was turned, Bella smeared some sugary coating around her lips and packaged the doughnut neatly in a napkin, then put it in the pocket of her jumper. She couldn’t even face one bite. Laughing at her mother’s glee over how quickly she’d eaten it, Bella felt a pang of sadness. She’d never realised before how happy her mother became when feeding her. Was this normal?

By the time the end of August rolled around, Bella had lost over three stone in total through diet, exercise, and sheer willpower. She no longer huffed and puffed her way up the stairs, she no longer avoided mirrors. Her hair was brighter, her smile wider and her skin healthier. Her mum was adamant that she was poorly, and dragged her to the doctors, lamenting her perfect daughter’s unexplained weight loss. After requesting some time alone to talk with Bella, the doctor called her mother back in and explained the benefits of healthy eating and exercise, all of which Bella was following nicely.

“Bella has informed me that she thought you’d be angry that she wasn’t eating the treats you’ve given her, so she hid them and has instead been sneaking fruit and vegetables into the house. Hiding food is a risky behaviour so we’ve decided it’s best to come clean with you.” Bella nodded at her mother, who looked shocked.

“Is that why I kept finding apples and carrots under your bed?” Bella nodded again. Turning to the doctor, her mum exclaimed “What kind of child doesn’t want to eat her own mother’s cooking? Is there something wrong with her?”

“Mrs Canning. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Bella. In fact, this is the healthiest I’ve seen her in all the time I’ve known you. She is no longer considered obese; her BMI is at the top end of the healthy range and her blood pressure is fantastic. The occasional treat is fine – in moderation. Bella tells me you enjoy cooking together. Might I suggest finding some healthy recipes to make?”

Mrs Canning turned bright red. Bella had never seen her go that colour before, nor the look on her face.

“Don’t you tell me how to parent my child!” Turning to Bella, she raged “If you don’t want to eat what I cook, then you can fend for yourself! But don’t you come running when you realise, I was right – you’re too skinny!” She turned around and stormed out of the office, leaving Bella sitting there in confusion.

The doctor wouldn’t let her leave on her own, so Ethan was called. Bella was asked to wait in the reception area while he spoke with her brother privately. Not long after, Freddie and Rachael arrived in a hurry. Freddie went straight to reception, while Rachael made a beeline for Bella and flung an arm around her.

“Oh sweetie, I’m sorry your mum’s not happy. Ethan called Freddie after the doctors called him, and we got straight in the car. Freddie figured they’d need someone over eighteen to come get you.” She looked over as Freddie was ushered into the doctor’s office, then looked back to Bella. “Did your mum really say you can either eat the cake or starve?”

Bella shook her head, spilling tears everywhere, then told Rachael everything; how her mother had been trying to force her to eat, calling her names like “beanpole”, “stick” and “skinny minny”, leaving biscuits and sweets under her pillow and in her drawers, even crying to try and manipulate Bella into ignoring her diet.

Rachael hugged her tighter and told her everything was going to be ok. Another half hour passed before Freddie and Ethan emerged from the room, along with the doctor who had his coat on. He greeted a smartly dressed woman who had been standing by the reception desk for ten minutes, then they both made their way to Bella.

“Bella, I think Miss Sherry and myself need to go and see your mum. Are you ok to go with your brothers?” Bella nodded and looked up at the lady who smiled at her and told her that they just needed to check that Mum was ok after her little outburst. Freddie smirked at that bit, though Bella didn’t know why.

Ethan accompanied them back to Freddie’s house, where Bella was enthusiastically greeted by the dogs. During dinner, the phone rang, and Freddie was gone for quite a while – he looked sad when he came back and beckoned Ethan out to the hallway.

Later that night, Freddie sat Bella down and explained that she’d be living with them from now on. Their mother had become violent toward social services when they arrived to have a chat about what happened at the doctor’s, the police had to be called and everyone thought it was best for Bella and Ethan to have some stability at Freddie’s. Mum was to go and stay somewhere else for a while, with people who would figure out why she acted the way she did.

Bella didn’t really understand, she’d heard Ethan say Mum’s mind was broken so figured that someone was trying to fix it. She was happy to stay with Freddie and Rachael; Rachael showed her how to make healthy meals, she took her shopping for new clothes, they walked for miles with the dogs, and when it was time to go back to school – Bella couldn’t wait to see everyone’s faces when they saw her.

Checking her reflection one last time, Bella smiled. Her new uniform was off the rack from the school shop, she wasn’t slim like a ballet dancer, but she didn’t think she wanted to be.

Bella was happy, just the way she was.